Fatherhood Adventures Pillows

'You know what that little rascal did? He sneaked home with my thermometer.'

Earl thought 'Take Your Daughter to Work Day,' was very dumb. 'How about hot dog ice cream?! Or a hot dog already chewed, saving me time by not chewing it?!'

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

A baby playing on a grand piano

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

'There's a planet in my book with two moons! Imagine how much howling we could do there!'

'Son, the world is ripe for the taking ... you better stay home with me.'

"I knew we agreed that you could be a stay-at-home dad, but that's when we decide to have children."

'But, Mom, being good just doesn't work for me.'

Baby gets blame for father letting off a fart.

"Oh well, if you really want to see some scary chest thumping, come with me now and I'll show my school report to my dad..."

Baby in Bike Basket

Holding up a child so he can feed a giraffe.

They Removed my Brain.

'Good news dear, the doctor says we're going to have twins.'

Please take a number.

"Okay, I'll change your diaper, but you better not tell any of my patients."

'I know how you like things to be clean, so I gave fishy a bath!"

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I'll never watch Alien again!!

"No, son, there's no severance package."

Father's Day

'Why didn't you go before we left?'

'A rocking horse? Boy! What will they think of next?!'

'I'm begging you, please don't let me go!'

'Don't try so hard . . . I want a dad, not a homey!. . .'

"How many children do you have? In round numbers."

"Yes, the French only eat the legs, but we're not French! We eat the whole frog!"

"Well ok....but in your case I'll need DNA proof!"

Fathers Saluting Each Other.

'Congratulations, you're a father. Now you'd better get out of here before her husband arrives.'

'I'm a house-husband.'

Mix up on the maternity ward.

'With a boss, a wife and three teenaged kids, I haven't had much time to worry about international affairs.'

"Daddy has to clear his head for a few minutes before he can deal with 'Babar'."

'I'm afraid the legislation only covers one partner.'