Fatherhood Hero Pillows

Be patient, son. I started with Pluto and worked my way up, too.

"It's different when they're your own."

"It will not be much?"

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

Striving to reduce our dependence on fossil fuels, scientists attempt to harness the energy of a toddler's tantrum.

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

It's okay Mom! As a broker, I'm under supervision of the SEC!

Babies vs. Dogs

"I miss the Augean stables."

Mother feeds messy child with extra long spoon.

"Can I multi-task? As a single mom I'm both the bread-winner and bread-baker!"

Acclaimed mother.

Father

Miracle Mom #5,293

"Why, Mr. Larsen! We were about ready to give up on you."

JAMES BONDING

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

'I'm a work-at-home dad.'

'Mother will catch you!'

"I mean, he does have a point."

Dad's home

"Yeah, the medals are nice, but this is what I'm most proud of!"

'Not today,son-not on Fathers' Day!'

"Can you wangle me some parental leave?"

A pediatrician with children hanging off his arms

"Just be proud we're the first father-son ice dancing team."

"Kosovo, Iraq, Afghanistan...Sarge Higgins is one hell of a tough guy! But he wouldn't have a chance against my mom - she raised three kids!"

"Among them, my children have eighteen years of accumulated experience harassing their mother!"

Baby Shower

The day after Father's Day.

'I'm about to throw a tantrum. What are you doing?'

'I'm not giving you a lift. If you want to run away from home, run.'

'Here's your choice. Grounded for a week or a walk around the Mall with me while I wear this.'

"Dad, if Mom ever has a boyfriend, I hope he's just like you."

'My problems seem small to you because you're so darn BIG'