Fasting Novice Gifts

The Fast Diet

Today we learned to count to one.

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

"That was too many fresh original voices for one night."

Giving Things Up For Lent.

'Don't you know that less packaging creates more waist?'

"When I gave up cookies for the period of fasting called Lent, I thought it would be an hour, like the period of school called math."

'Don't try to turn tail and run. That's just what they want.'

"This is my first book, but if I like it I may buy another in the near future."

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

"Triple whammy."

"What's my collar size?"

"Oh, man, I forgot to stretch, ever."

The Janopause

'I seriously doubt if you've attained Nirvana yet - You've only been fasting and meditating for fifteen minutes.'

The Penultimate Temptation of Christ

'I'm sorry Jimmy, but the results of your tests show that you're not allergic to vegetables.'

"During Lent we must share with poor children what we have in abundance."

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

Pandemic Orphans

'You may well, Ms. Ferris, one day write a 'Fifty Shades of Grey' bonkbuster, but today your account is one shade of red.'

I really hope the agent likes my submission... - '' - 'This is perfect.' - '' - 'Absolutley perfect.'

'Exactly which school of acupuncture are you from?'

"Of course he's not our son. You wanted me to change the baby, didn't you?"

"I've discovered I don't have a head for figures."

'Tom just had his first workout at the gym.'

'You just continue to grow.'

'Let's ease into this -- I want you to try fasting between meals.'

"I'm really serious about exercising. Last year I only went to the gym twice, once to join and once to renew."

'Your first lesson is free.'

"I couldn't decide what to give up for Lent, so I gave it all up."

"Has anyone in your family ever had a history of exercise?"

If I learn how to write Roman Numerals, will that help me write computer code?

'I want you to slow down, and that includes fast food.'

"I'm a big devotee of fasting."