Fasting Beginner Gifts

'Let's ease into this -- I want you to try fasting between meals.'

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

"That was too many fresh original voices for one night."

Giving Things Up For Lent.

'Don't you know that less packaging creates more waist?'

"When I gave up cookies for the period of fasting called Lent, I thought it would be an hour, like the period of school called math."

'I tried running once, but I kept spilling my drink.'

Yoga Beginners Class. Breathe and stretch. That's Good. URGH! OOOF! "Yoga pants" should be something you wear and not something that happens because you can't catch your breath!

"The doctor told me I needed to burn some fat, so I'm grilling a steak!"

"This is my first book, but if I like it I may buy another in the near future."

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

'I seriously doubt if you've attained Nirvana yet - You've only been fasting and meditating for fifteen minutes.'

Please seat to be weighted.

The Penultimate Temptation of Christ

"Oh, man, I forgot to stretch, ever."

The Janopause

"At least you made it into the hallway."

"Since you're a computer geek, I suggest lifting the box the weights came in."

Chocolate never tasted as good as when I sneak a piece while dieting.

"During Lent we must share with poor children what we have in abundance."

'That's way too irregular. I recommend regular exercise.'

Health Club Shop. DVD. Books. Do you have a simple guide to better abs? "Tummies for Dummies" would be good for you.

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

'You may well, Ms. Ferris, one day write a 'Fifty Shades of Grey' bonkbuster, but today your account is one shade of red.'

"Your fingers are the only part of you that's in shape. Apparently, the only exercise you get is texting."

'Darling - look! I've dropped a gene size already.'

"Okay, maybe we should count assembling the exercise bike as your first workout."

I really hope the agent likes my submission... - '' - 'This is perfect.' - '' - 'Absolutley perfect.'

"Sure doc, I can eat healthy tasteless food and exercise until my lungs implode. Or, you can just inject some drain cleaner into my eyeball and save us both a lot of time and trouble."

'Tom just had his first workout at the gym.'

"I'm really serious about exercising. Last year I only went to the gym twice, once to join and once to renew."

The Seven Second Workout

'Your first lesson is free.'

"Has anyone in your family ever had a history of exercise?"