Fast Food Satirist Gifts

'Whose darn idea were these brand stickers?'

'Chicken to go.'

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

"Perhaps we should cleanse our palates first?"

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

Beef Stew.

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

1% Cereal: Now with marshmallow dollar signs.

"We upped the protein by simply factoring in the permissible level of insect parts."

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

'People soup again?'

The real reason salad aids weight loss

"Is this because I didn’t eat my kale?"

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

"I recommend the businessman's lunch, sir, mammon notwithstanding."

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

'And finally, sir, would you like your burger flipped by a Ph.D. in Philosophy, History or English Literature?'

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

Hot Dog... Flavored meat-like substances

'Instead of one of our dishes you want to eat me? Just a minute, sir.. I've go to ask the manager.'

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

What's the difference between fast food and slow food?

"Just wanted to make sure you said no mayo that way I'll know to give you extra."

"A Mister 'Ty Gurr' wants to reserve a table next to our fattest customer."