Fast Food Satirist Gifts

'Whose darn idea were these brand stickers?'

'Chicken to go.'

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

Beef Stew.

"We upped the protein by simply factoring in the permissible level of insect parts."

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

1% Cereal: Now with marshmallow dollar signs.

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

"I recommend the businessman's lunch, sir, mammon notwithstanding."

'People soup again?'

"Is this because I didn’t eat my kale?"

The real reason salad aids weight loss

'And finally, sir, would you like your burger flipped by a Ph.D. in Philosophy, History or English Literature?'

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

What's the difference between fast food and slow food?

Hot Dog... Flavored meat-like substances

'Instead of one of our dishes you want to eat me? Just a minute, sir.. I've go to ask the manager.'

"Barkeeper! More chick-peas!"

The 5th Basic Food Group - Junk Food.

"I used to be a foodie. Now I'm a fussy glutton."

The PARTISAN CAFE: "For or against section?"