Fashionable Pessimist Gifts

"I think whatever's going to happen next has already happened."

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

'My pessimism keeps me optimistic.'

"Nobody listens to me complain quite like you do."

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'

'Barnhill from Marketing will present our economic projections.'

'What do you mean, you're having second thoughts...?'

Abstract art proves that things can be as bad as they look.

Glass Half Empty and Glass Half Full.

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

The Ekert Saga: '...A place where people are always unhappy no matter how well things are going? Ah! Got it...Go to Fenway Park in Boston.'

'There was a mild outbreak of optimism all over the world today, but it's not expected to last.'

Doomsdayers recycle pamphlets in case they are wrong.

"People wipe their feet on me all day long. I mean, really, what could possibly be worse than that?"

"No no no! Stripes are soooo half-past four!"

"If at first you don't succeed blame somebody."

'Look at that lunatic...'

A giant squid gets "Life Sucks" tattooed on its tentacles.

"The nice thing about being a fruit fly is you only have to listen to one news cycle."

"If I was you...I wouldn't be worried about the future..."

'I tend to look on the negative side of things. Do you guys do rose coloured glasses'

The end is near! Wacko. The end is far!

"Is this worse? Or is this worse?"

"First they make you button your own shirt, then they make you tie your own shoes...you gotta ask yourself ? where's this all heading?"

'Do we have to go through this every year Henman says he can win Wimbledon?'

The split end is near.

'The bad news is the price of gas is going up. The good news is since I lost my job I've got nowhere to go anyway.'

The world may be my oyster, but I've never been able to pry it open.

"President Elect Donald Trump was killed today. . . when he was crushed under the wight of his own ego."

How about taking me for a walk in the park, Lance? Can't you just use the bathroom like everybody else, Gloria?

The whine of the month selection - Why me?

"Waiter! My glass is half empty."

"We're waiting for the land to slide before we actually build on it."

Liberation. You've removed your hypochondria mask. Is flu season over? Possibly for good. There's new research that shows that the warming of the globe is inhospitable to those @#$% flu bugs. The viruses thrive on cold weather. That might be why fly and head colds have been relatively mild. It's just wonderful. Of course, I still won't be shaking hands, or hugging, which are disgusting habits. And we'll all die when the planet overheats because we have no ozone. Are you sure you @#$ whining isn'

'Surprised you made it this far. No one likes a know-it-all.'