Romantic Pessimist Gifts

How about taking me for a walk in the park, Lance? Can't you just use the bathroom like everybody else, Gloria?

'What do you mean, you're having second thoughts...?'

"Uh, what do you mean, 'winner take all'?"

Life is for the birds.

'Oh my God. I love it!'

"I know we just met, but all I got is a twenty-four-hour pass!"

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

'Lover's lance isn't the same as it used to be!'

Love is Blind.

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

What should we do this fine Sunday? I have an idea. Let's spend the day staring at each other and using pet names. Ahem. You affection is making us ill! They're upset, Monkey Bear. You're so handsome. We're trying to eat!

"I don’t know how many ways I can explain it. One morning you’ll just wake up and know that you’re in love."

Cupid

"It's our most popular gift - a helium cookie."

"We REALLY do get better with age."

"Bob, the whole Cupid thing is a metaphor."

"Everybody meets online these days."

'It started with a kiss - then their nose rings got locked.'

'Telephone call for Mr. Right!'

Puppy Love

"Nobody listens to me complain quite like you do."

'If I inspired this love peom, how come it's written on the back of a Hooters' napkin?'

"I was hoping you'd consider this a prelude to a kiss."

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

'As a romantic guy, nature always makes me thoughtful. Right now, I think about fast-food restaurant stocks.'

'That's one of those May-December love affairs. He's 251 years old, and she can't be a day over 135!'

"It was meant to be a surprise romantic dinner for two, but to cut a long story short, it's been a recipe for disaster."

'They were going to get married when they were young, but he kept forgetting the wedding date!'

Tunnel of Love.

'There are lots of fish in the sea.'

Tunnel of Love.

Heart is sewn back together.

Enjoying the fishing? Waiting for a bite. Ha! All you want is to spot the cute guy. For your information, I'm looking for fish! Really? My hook is baited I'm trolling. Hope you catch something! Me, too!

"I followed the money and it led me to Edgar."