Witty Pessimist Gifts

"Nobody listens to me complain quite like you do."

Follow England mate, they're always crap!

'What do you mean, you're having second thoughts...?'

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

Abstract art proves that things can be as bad as they look.

"I think whatever's going to happen next has already happened."

'Have you seen the financial pages?' - 'Yes, things are going to get a lot worse before the get worse.'

Glass Half Empty and Glass Half Full.

The Ekert Saga: '...A place where people are always unhappy no matter how well things are going? Ah! Got it...Go to Fenway Park in Boston.'

'There was a mild outbreak of optimism all over the world today, but it's not expected to last.'

"The scariest part is knowing that someday something'll come along that will make us go, 'Even the spider mutants weren't this bad.' "

Doomsdayers recycle pamphlets in case they are wrong.

"Look, a shooting star- let's critique it!"

"People wipe their feet on me all day long. I mean, really, what could possibly be worse than that?"

'Look at that lunatic...'

A giant squid gets "Life Sucks" tattooed on its tentacles.

The end is near! Wacko. The end is far!

'I tend to look on the negative side of things. Do you guys do rose coloured glasses'

"First they make you button your own shirt, then they make you tie your own shoes...you gotta ask yourself ? where's this all heading?"

Half Full/Half Empty

How about taking me for a walk in the park, Lance? Can't you just use the bathroom like everybody else, Gloria?

The world may be my oyster, but I've never been able to pry it open.

'The bad news is the price of gas is going up. The good news is since I lost my job I've got nowhere to go anyway.'

Why Me? - Why Not?

The whine of the month selection - Why me?

Bomb shelters: pessimists...optimists.

Mayfly holds a sign saying "The end is night".

"We're waiting for the land to slide before we actually build on it."

'With all the stresses and worries out there, happy hour no longer seemed to work.'

'Surprised you made it this far. No one likes a know-it-all.'

Liberation. You've removed your hypochondria mask. Is flu season over? Possibly for good. There's new research that shows that the warming of the globe is inhospitable to those @#$% flu bugs. The viruses thrive on cold weather. That might be why fly and head colds have been relatively mild. It's just wonderful. Of course, I still won't be shaking hands, or hugging, which are disgusting habits. And we'll all die when the planet overheats because we have no ozone. Are you sure you @#$ whining isn'

Bird Flu Hysteria.

'I thought buying the boat would make him more optimistic about the future but apparently not...'

Hope

'Too expensive, too long, sounds boring, the jacket is lousy...'