Pessimist Humorist Gifts

'In an unexpected move today, the Optimists' Club gave up.'

'For those of you who retain some shreds of optimism about peace on earth, some more bad news...'

'Look at that lunatic...'

'Surprised you made it this far. No one likes a know-it-all.'

A giant squid gets "Life Sucks" tattooed on its tentacles.

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

"Nobody listens to me complain quite like you do."

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'

'There is not a thing that medical science can do for you. Have you tried 'wishful thinking'?'

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

The End is Near art gallery opening.

'Barnhill from Marketing will present our economic projections.'

Lent is a real drag this year. - 'Why? What did you give up?' - 'Hope.' - 'I gave up chocolate. Guess what?1' - 'What?' - 'I've made my ideal weight! Yay!'

Follow England mate, they're always crap!

Half Empty/Half Full/I'm Still On Vacation!!!

Abstract art proves that things can be as bad as they look.

'Have you seen the financial pages?' - 'Yes, things are going to get a lot worse before the get worse.'

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

'We made it, Happy New Year.'

Doomsdayers recycle pamphlets in case they are wrong.

This will be a banner day for you!

"Look, a shooting star- let's critique it!"

"If at first you don't succeed blame somebody."

"The nice thing about being a fruit fly is you only have to listen to one news cycle."

"Is this worse? Or is this worse?"

"This feels like the start of something that will eventually break one of our hearts."

Look at the bright side. The I.R.S. says obesity is a disease, so your office visits are tax deductible.

"First they make you button your own shirt, then they make you tie your own shoes...you gotta ask yourself ? where's this all heading?"

'Do we have to go through this every year Henman says he can win Wimbledon?'

"You really don't need a good life, just a great obituary writer."

"President Elect Donald Trump was killed today. . . when he was crushed under the wight of his own ego."

'The bad news is the price of gas is going up. The good news is since I lost my job I've got nowhere to go anyway.'

"Breakfast is my favorite meal because the day hasn't been ruined yet."

Why Me? - Why Not?

The whine of the month selection - Why me?