Pessimistic Humor Lovers Gifts

Look at the bright side. The I.R.S. says obesity is a disease, so your office visits are tax deductible.

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

"Nobody listens to me complain quite like you do."

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'

'I decided I need something to draw the eye away from my bald patch.'

"My glass is half empty"

'Barnhill from Marketing will present our economic projections.'

Abstract art proves that things can be as bad as they look.

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

Whinge drinkers: 'Music is too loud as usual', 'You can never get a seat'.

The Ekert Saga: '...A place where people are always unhappy no matter how well things are going? Ah! Got it...Go to Fenway Park in Boston.'

'We made it, Happy New Year.'

'Our family is so ugly, we keep the negatives instead of the pictures in the photo album!'

Doomsdayers recycle pamphlets in case they are wrong.

"People wipe their feet on me all day long. I mean, really, what could possibly be worse than that?"

"If at first you don't succeed blame somebody."

'Look at that lunatic...'

'I'm afraid things have to get worse before they can get even worse.'

"Is this worse? Or is this worse?"

A giant squid gets "Life Sucks" tattooed on its tentacles.

"First they make you button your own shirt, then they make you tie your own shoes...you gotta ask yourself ? where's this all heading?"

The split end is near.

'Do we have to go through this every year Henman says he can win Wimbledon?'

"President Elect Donald Trump was killed today. . . when he was crushed under the wight of his own ego."

My problem isn't that the key to success is hard to find, it's that the key to failure is always left in the ignition.

The world may be my oyster, but I've never been able to pry it open.

'The bad news is the price of gas is going up. The good news is since I lost my job I've got nowhere to go anyway.'

The whine of the month selection - Why me?

"Waiter! My glass is half empty."

"Next time you hire a futurist, don't hire a good one."

"We're waiting for the land to slide before we actually build on it."

'Surprised you made it this far. No one likes a know-it-all.'

Bird Flu Hysteria.

'I thought buying the boat would make him more optimistic about the future but apparently not...'

"I've got a bad feeling, the rats are leaving the ship..."