Pessimistic Humor Fan Gifts

'We made it, Happy New Year.'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

Trump Poutine

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

Can't even hold signs well.

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

'More government surveillance!'

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

The Thinker?

'Would you do me the honour of becoming tax advantaged with me?'

How men process questions.

'Yes, I'm sure Latestagrossa is the patient's name, and not the disease!'

Germany: willingness for anti-corona vaccination decreases!

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

"There may be a moral equivalent of war, but, by God, there is not moral equivalent of money."

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"He is walking from 'Lands end to John'o'Groats', virtually."

'It's the bank again... What I'd give for a bit of good old-fashioned heavy breathing!'

'It's all due to the birthrate falling drastically...'

Greenspanisms for sale (50c)

Sign # 23 that you've spent too much time at a game: your nails are longer than your fingers and your hair touches your ankles.

You guys were right! Screaming profanities is more satisfying than howling these days.

'It's educational TV, Mom — the redheaded girl in the lime-green bikini has a teaching degree.'

"Now don't do anything flashy with the money, like pay off all your student loans at once."

A whale with corporate sponsorship

"Italy just bought France."

'I swear I've never had any plastic surgery, I'm naturally this ugly...Heck, my whole family is!'

"It's a long-term strategy to make them lazy and complacent first."