Pessimist Fan Gifts

Me vs everybody else

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

'My pessimism keeps me optimistic.'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'

Tom's last day.

"If, indeed, there is a reason for all this, than that's so much worse."

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

"Road construction used to bother me. But compared to all the craziness going on in the world, I'll take this any day."

The End is Near art gallery opening.

Lent is a real drag this year. - 'Why? What did you give up?' - 'Hope.' - 'I gave up chocolate. Guess what?1' - 'What?' - 'I've made my ideal weight! Yay!'

"Die alone"

'Barnhill from Marketing will present our economic projections.'

Half Empty/Half Full/I'm Still On Vacation!!!

Things can only get worse...

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

Gonna Suck

'Taking guard' 'The pessimist'

'Turned out nice again.'

'We made it, Happy New Year.'

'There goes Mr. Negativity.'

Y2K Solutions Inc.

This will be a banner day for you!

The guy who wanted change, experience, a shoulder to cry on, and a medal, all tied up in a nice,neat package, with whipped cream and a cherry on top.

"If at first you don't succeed blame somebody."

'I'm afraid things have to get worse before they can get even worse.'

'You know, that Lenny is a real 'glass half empty' kind of guy...!'

DOOM, 'I do love you, Arnie, but you're such a downer!'

"Is this worse? Or is this worse?"

All my silver linings have clouds around them.

'Against Joie De Vivre': Meet the author today.

"This feels like the start of something that will eventually break one of our hearts."

"Oh what a beautiful morning!"

The split end is near.