Pessimism Aficionado Gifts

"I got an 'A' in hopelessness and a 'B' in missed opportunities."

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

'My pessimism keeps me optimistic.'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'

"If, indeed, there is a reason for all this, than that's so much worse."

Tom's last day.

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

The End is Near art gallery opening.

"Road construction used to bother me. But compared to all the craziness going on in the world, I'll take this any day."

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

"Die alone"

'Barnhill from Marketing will present our economic projections.'

Lent is a real drag this year. - 'Why? What did you give up?' - 'Hope.' - 'I gave up chocolate. Guess what?1' - 'What?' - 'I've made my ideal weight! Yay!'

Half Empty/Half Full/I'm Still On Vacation!!!

'Taking guard' 'The pessimist'

Gonna Suck

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

'Turned out nice again.'

Y2K Solutions Inc.

This will be a banner day for you!

Your radio show this week was incredible. Buzz off. Who cares what you think? It was angry, vitriolic, sarcastic, mean-spirited, pessimistic. Do you mean that? You really were listening? I'm not giving a compliment. You're less horrifyingly objectionable than usual.

"The scariest part is knowing that someday something'll come along that will make us go, 'Even the spider mutants weren't this bad.' "

"If at first you don't succeed blame somebody."

'I'm afraid things have to get worse before they can get even worse.'

'You know, that Lenny is a real 'glass half empty' kind of guy...!'

The end of the world is nigh.

"Is this worse? Or is this worse?"

DOOM, 'I do love you, Arnie, but you're such a downer!'

"This feels like the start of something that will eventually break one of our hearts."

All my silver linings have clouds around them.

'Against Joie De Vivre': Meet the author today.

"Oh what a beautiful morning!"

'Do we have to go through this every year Henman says he can win Wimbledon?'