Pessimist With A Sense Of Humor Gifts

'I thought buying the boat would make him more optimistic about the future but apparently not...'

"People wipe their feet on me all day long. I mean, really, what could possibly be worse than that?"

"We're waiting for the land to slide before we actually build on it."

Abstract art proves that things can be as bad as they look.

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

"Nobody listens to me complain quite like you do."

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'

The End is Near art gallery opening.

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

Lent is a real drag this year. - 'Why? What did you give up?' - 'Hope.' - 'I gave up chocolate. Guess what?1' - 'What?' - 'I've made my ideal weight! Yay!'

Follow England mate, they're always crap!

'Barnhill from Marketing will present our economic projections.'

'I find it difficult not to entertain the occasional negative thought.'

Half Empty/Half Full/I'm Still On Vacation!!!

The Dungeon

'Have you seen the financial pages?' - 'Yes, things are going to get a lot worse before the get worse.'

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

The Ekert Saga: '...A place where people are always unhappy no matter how well things are going? Ah! Got it...Go to Fenway Park in Boston.'

'We made it, Happy New Year.'

This will be a banner day for you!

Doomsdayers recycle pamphlets in case they are wrong.

"Look, a shooting star- let's critique it!"

"If at first you don't succeed blame somebody."

'Look at that lunatic...'

Look at the bright side. The I.R.S. says obesity is a disease, so your office visits are tax deductible.

"Is this worse? Or is this worse?"

"This feels like the start of something that will eventually break one of our hearts."

A giant squid gets "Life Sucks" tattooed on its tentacles.

'I tend to look on the negative side of things. Do you guys do rose coloured glasses'

The end is near! Wacko. The end is far!

"First they make you button your own shirt, then they make you tie your own shoes...you gotta ask yourself ? where's this all heading?"

'Do we have to go through this every year Henman says he can win Wimbledon?'

My problem isn't that the key to success is hard to find, it's that the key to failure is always left in the ignition.