Comical Pessimist Gifts

Bird Flu Hysteria.

"Nobody listens to me complain quite like you do."

'There is not a thing that medical science can do for you. Have you tried 'wishful thinking'?'

'Barnhill from Marketing will present our economic projections.'

Abstract art proves that things can be as bad as they look.

Glass Half Empty and Glass Half Full.

'There was a mild outbreak of optimism all over the world today, but it's not expected to last.'

'We made it, Happy New Year.'

Doomsdayers recycle pamphlets in case they are wrong.

'Look at that lunatic...'

A giant squid gets "Life Sucks" tattooed on its tentacles.

"The nice thing about being a fruit fly is you only have to listen to one news cycle."

'I tend to look on the negative side of things. Do you guys do rose coloured glasses'

Look at the bright side. The I.R.S. says obesity is a disease, so your office visits are tax deductible.

"First they make you button your own shirt, then they make you tie your own shoes...you gotta ask yourself ? where's this all heading?"

'Do we have to go through this every year Henman says he can win Wimbledon?'

"President Elect Donald Trump was killed today. . . when he was crushed under the wight of his own ego."

'The bad news is the price of gas is going up. The good news is since I lost my job I've got nowhere to go anyway.'

The whine of the month selection - Why me?

'Surprised you made it this far. No one likes a know-it-all.'

"We're waiting for the land to slide before we actually build on it."

'I thought buying the boat would make him more optimistic about the future but apparently not...'

"I've got a bad feeling, the rats are leaving the ship..."

Hope

Kelly regretted not buying a dog.

'For those of you who retain some shreds of optimism about peace on earth, some more bad news...'

"There'll be no fortune for the foreseeable future"