Comical Pessimist Pillows

Bird Flu Hysteria.

"Nobody listens to me complain quite like you do."

'There is not a thing that medical science can do for you. Have you tried 'wishful thinking'?'

'Barnhill from Marketing will present our economic projections.'

"My glass is half empty"

Abstract art proves that things can be as bad as they look.

Glass Half Empty and Glass Half Full.

The Ekert Saga: '...A place where people are always unhappy no matter how well things are going? Ah! Got it...Go to Fenway Park in Boston.'

'We made it, Happy New Year.'

'There was a mild outbreak of optimism all over the world today, but it's not expected to last.'

Doomsdayers recycle pamphlets in case they are wrong.

"People wipe their feet on me all day long. I mean, really, what could possibly be worse than that?"

'Look at that lunatic...'

The end is near! Wacko. The end is far!

'I tend to look on the negative side of things. Do you guys do rose coloured glasses'

Look at the bright side. The I.R.S. says obesity is a disease, so your office visits are tax deductible.

"The nice thing about being a fruit fly is you only have to listen to one news cycle."

A giant squid gets "Life Sucks" tattooed on its tentacles.

"First they make you button your own shirt, then they make you tie your own shoes...you gotta ask yourself ? where's this all heading?"

'Do we have to go through this every year Henman says he can win Wimbledon?'

My problem isn't that the key to success is hard to find, it's that the key to failure is always left in the ignition.

"President Elect Donald Trump was killed today. . . when he was crushed under the wight of his own ego."

'The bad news is the price of gas is going up. The good news is since I lost my job I've got nowhere to go anyway.'

The world may be my oyster, but I've never been able to pry it open.

The whine of the month selection - Why me?

Mayfly holds a sign saying "The end is night".

'Surprised you made it this far. No one likes a know-it-all.'

Liberation. You've removed your hypochondria mask. Is flu season over? Possibly for good. There's new research that shows that the warming of the globe is inhospitable to those @#$% flu bugs. The viruses thrive on cold weather. That might be why fly and head colds have been relatively mild. It's just wonderful. Of course, I still won't be shaking hands, or hugging, which are disgusting habits. And we'll all die when the planet overheats because we have no ozone. Are you sure you @#$ whining isn'

"We're waiting for the land to slide before we actually build on it."

'I thought buying the boat would make him more optimistic about the future but apparently not...'

"I've got a bad feeling, the rats are leaving the ship..."

Hope

Kelly regretted not buying a dog.

World Ends Soon. World Ends Today. Here comes Doom and Doomer.

'For those of you who retain some shreds of optimism about peace on earth, some more bad news...'