Pessimistic Humorist Pillows

The Ekert Saga: '...A place where people are always unhappy no matter how well things are going? Ah! Got it...Go to Fenway Park in Boston.'

Doomsdayers recycle pamphlets in case they are wrong.

'The bad news is the price of gas is going up. The good news is since I lost my job I've got nowhere to go anyway.'

"Nobody listens to me complain quite like you do."

'There is not a thing that medical science can do for you. Have you tried 'wishful thinking'?'

Follow England mate, they're always crap!

'Barnhill from Marketing will present our economic projections.'

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

"My glass is half empty"

Your Winning Lottery Numbers Told: 'If they are really what you say - how come you can only afford a tent?'

Abstract art proves that things can be as bad as they look.

'Have you seen the financial pages?' - 'Yes, things are going to get a lot worse before the get worse.'

'We made it, Happy New Year.'

"The scariest part is knowing that someday something'll come along that will make us go, 'Even the spider mutants weren't this bad.' "

"Look, a shooting star- let's critique it!"

"People wipe their feet on me all day long. I mean, really, what could possibly be worse than that?"

'Look at that lunatic...'

"The nice thing about being a fruit fly is you only have to listen to one news cycle."

A giant squid gets "Life Sucks" tattooed on its tentacles.

Look at the bright side. The I.R.S. says obesity is a disease, so your office visits are tax deductible.

'I tend to look on the negative side of things. Do you guys do rose coloured glasses'

"First they make you button your own shirt, then they make you tie your own shoes...you gotta ask yourself ? where's this all heading?"

'Do we have to go through this every year Henman says he can win Wimbledon?'

Why Me? - Why Not?

My problem isn't that the key to success is hard to find, it's that the key to failure is always left in the ignition.

"If I knew next week's winning lottery numbers do you think I'd be sitting here telling you."

"President Elect Donald Trump was killed today. . . when he was crushed under the wight of his own ego."

The whine of the month selection - Why me?

Mayfly holds a sign saying "The end is night".

'Surprised you made it this far. No one likes a know-it-all.'

"We're waiting for the land to slide before we actually build on it."

'With all the stresses and worries out there, happy hour no longer seemed to work.'

Bird Flu Hysteria.

'I thought buying the boat would make him more optimistic about the future but apparently not...'

"I've got a bad feeling, the rats are leaving the ship..."