Pessimistic Humorist Pillows

Doomsdayers recycle pamphlets in case they are wrong.

'The bad news is the price of gas is going up. The good news is since I lost my job I've got nowhere to go anyway.'

"Nobody listens to me complain quite like you do."

'There is not a thing that medical science can do for you. Have you tried 'wishful thinking'?'

Your Winning Lottery Numbers Told: 'If they are really what you say - how come you can only afford a tent?'

'Barnhill from Marketing will present our economic projections.'

Follow England mate, they're always crap!

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

Abstract art proves that things can be as bad as they look.

'Have you seen the financial pages?' - 'Yes, things are going to get a lot worse before the get worse.'

'We made it, Happy New Year.'

"The scariest part is knowing that someday something'll come along that will make us go, 'Even the spider mutants weren't this bad.' "

"Look, a shooting star- let's critique it!"

'Look at that lunatic...'

Look at the bright side. The I.R.S. says obesity is a disease, so your office visits are tax deductible.

'I tend to look on the negative side of things. Do you guys do rose coloured glasses'

A giant squid gets "Life Sucks" tattooed on its tentacles.

"The nice thing about being a fruit fly is you only have to listen to one news cycle."

"First they make you button your own shirt, then they make you tie your own shoes...you gotta ask yourself ? where's this all heading?"

'Do we have to go through this every year Henman says he can win Wimbledon?'

"If I knew next week's winning lottery numbers do you think I'd be sitting here telling you."

Why Me? - Why Not?

"President Elect Donald Trump was killed today. . . when he was crushed under the wight of his own ego."

The whine of the month selection - Why me?

'With all the stresses and worries out there, happy hour no longer seemed to work.'

'Surprised you made it this far. No one likes a know-it-all.'

Bird Flu Hysteria.

"We're waiting for the land to slide before we actually build on it."

'I thought buying the boat would make him more optimistic about the future but apparently not...'

"I've got a bad feeling, the rats are leaving the ship..."

Hope

'Too expensive, too long, sounds boring, the jacket is lousy...'