Pessimistic Humor Seeker Pillows

"There'll be no fortune for the foreseeable future"

"Nobody listens to me complain quite like you do."

The glass is half full. - '' - 'The glass is half empty' - '' - 'Gah!! No clean glasses!!' - '' -

"My glass is half empty"

'Barnhill from Marketing will present our economic projections.'

"What? You were expecting good news? Expectations are so-o-o-o passe."

Misfortune cookies

Abstract art proves that things can be as bad as they look.

The Ekert Saga: '...A place where people are always unhappy no matter how well things are going? Ah! Got it...Go to Fenway Park in Boston.'

'We made it, Happy New Year.'

"That's one 50-gallon drum of shampoo, one 50-gallon drum of conditioner, and one leaf-blower. Sign here."

Doomsdayers recycle pamphlets in case they are wrong.

"People wipe their feet on me all day long. I mean, really, what could possibly be worse than that?"

'Look at that lunatic...'

'I tend to look on the negative side of things. Do you guys do rose coloured glasses'

A giant squid gets "Life Sucks" tattooed on its tentacles.

Look at the bright side. The I.R.S. says obesity is a disease, so your office visits are tax deductible.

"The nice thing about being a fruit fly is you only have to listen to one news cycle."

"First they make you button your own shirt, then they make you tie your own shoes...you gotta ask yourself ? where's this all heading?"

Half Full/Half Empty

'Do we have to go through this every year Henman says he can win Wimbledon?'

Battery Juice Bar

"President Elect Donald Trump was killed today. . . when he was crushed under the wight of his own ego."

'It seems that he was too optimistic. His glass of water wasn't half full. Obviously, it was completely empty.'

'The bad news is the price of gas is going up. The good news is since I lost my job I've got nowhere to go anyway.'

'(Sigh!) I doubt if the country will ever have a mood of optimism again....'

The world may be my oyster, but I've never been able to pry it open.

My problem isn't that the key to success is hard to find, it's that the key to failure is always left in the ignition.

Pessimists Anonymous - chart.

The whine of the month selection - Why me?

'The glass is half-full divorce lawyers, , , The glass is empty bankruptcy attorneys,'

Mayfly holds a sign saying "The end is night".

It's always darkest before the dawn, Al. Unfortunately, it's broad daylight, so things will be getting a lot darker.

'Surprised you made it this far. No one likes a know-it-all.'

Bird Flu Hysteria.