Pessimist Humorist T-Shirts

'In an unexpected move today, the Optimists' Club gave up.'

'For those of you who retain some shreds of optimism about peace on earth, some more bad news...'

'Look at that lunatic...'

'Surprised you made it this far. No one likes a know-it-all.'

A giant squid gets "Life Sucks" tattooed on its tentacles.

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

"Nobody listens to me complain quite like you do."

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'

'There is not a thing that medical science can do for you. Have you tried 'wishful thinking'?'

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

The End is Near art gallery opening.

Lent is a real drag this year. - 'Why? What did you give up?' - 'Hope.' - 'I gave up chocolate. Guess what?1' - 'What?' - 'I've made my ideal weight! Yay!'

'Barnhill from Marketing will present our economic projections.'

"My glass is half empty"

Follow England mate, they're always crap!

Half Empty/Half Full/I'm Still On Vacation!!!

'Have you seen the financial pages?' - 'Yes, things are going to get a lot worse before the get worse.'

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

Abstract art proves that things can be as bad as they look.

The Ekert Saga: '...A place where people are always unhappy no matter how well things are going? Ah! Got it...Go to Fenway Park in Boston.'

'We made it, Happy New Year.'

This will be a banner day for you!

Doomsdayers recycle pamphlets in case they are wrong.

"Look, a shooting star- let's critique it!"

"People wipe their feet on me all day long. I mean, really, what could possibly be worse than that?"

"If at first you don't succeed blame somebody."

"Is this worse? Or is this worse?"

"The nice thing about being a fruit fly is you only have to listen to one news cycle."

Look at the bright side. The I.R.S. says obesity is a disease, so your office visits are tax deductible.

"This feels like the start of something that will eventually break one of our hearts."

"First they make you button your own shirt, then they make you tie your own shoes...you gotta ask yourself ? where's this all heading?"

'Do we have to go through this every year Henman says he can win Wimbledon?'

Why Me? - Why Not?

My problem isn't that the key to success is hard to find, it's that the key to failure is always left in the ignition.