Fashion Visionary Gifts

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"No Officer, but they will all make lovely trouser belts, shoes, or handbags."

"Nice. Got this in camo?"

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

'At least we look cool. Especially with the wind chill factor.'

One of the Ten Best Hair Days of the Year

'...so I simply combined my love of beards with my love of tattoos and this was the result!'

"Like my new haircut?"

"Amazing! It's the season of me!"

'She dressed herself this morning.'

"Hi,Honey - I'm Homeboy."

Dress for Success suit shop: 'Can I pay you for it later, after I get successful?'

'This was designed for people who have mastered easy chairs and want to attempt something more difficult.'

"You can't quit my bridal fashion business. It says so in the prenup, I man the non-compete agreement!"

"I think I know what your problem is. Not enough PR."

"Late Jurassic is so Retro..."

Tell me the truth. Do you think my signature is logo-esque?

'He doesn't seem to like my haircut.'

Social Struggles

'This is the kind of hat you wear to bed.'

"It's expensive because it connects to the internet."

SELECTIONS FROM THE "VICTOR'S SECRET" CATALOGUE

Chippunks

A Wolf in Sheep's Clothing.

"Anyone who laughs at my new haircut will be subjected to immediate termination."

"It's off the rack. The guy on the rack doesn't need it anymore."

'Perhaps it's time we re-branded.'

'Welcome home, dear. While you were away I redecorated...'

'I ran into a whittler.'

"Would you believe I can still fit into my tux after eighteen years?"

In case he wore pants that weren't gaudy enough for golf, Len kept some cans of spray paint in his bag.

"Just think, someday we'll be considered 'retro'."

"How much more for pinstripes?"

"Hold on a minute, will you? I just want to see what color Charlie Rose's tie is tonight."