Fashion Visionary T-Shirts

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"No Officer, but they will all make lovely trouser belts, shoes, or handbags."

"Nice. Got this in camo?"

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

'At least we look cool. Especially with the wind chill factor.'

One of the Ten Best Hair Days of the Year

"Like my new haircut?"

'...so I simply combined my love of beards with my love of tattoos and this was the result!'

'She dressed herself this morning.'

"Amazing! It's the season of me!"

"Hi,Honey - I'm Homeboy."

Dress for Success suit shop: 'Can I pay you for it later, after I get successful?'

'This was designed for people who have mastered easy chairs and want to attempt something more difficult.'

"You can't quit my bridal fashion business. It says so in the prenup, I man the non-compete agreement!"

"I think I know what your problem is. Not enough PR."

"It's expensive because it connects to the internet."

A Wolf in Sheep's Clothing.

Chippunks

'He doesn't seem to like my haircut.'

"Anyone who laughs at my new haircut will be subjected to immediate termination."

Social Struggles

'This is the kind of hat you wear to bed.'

Tell me the truth. Do you think my signature is logo-esque?

SELECTIONS FROM THE "VICTOR'S SECRET" CATALOGUE

"Late Jurassic is so Retro..."

"It's off the rack. The guy on the rack doesn't need it anymore."

'Perhaps it's time we re-branded.'

'Welcome home, dear. While you were away I redecorated...'

"Just think, someday we'll be considered 'retro'."

"Hold on a minute, will you? I just want to see what color Charlie Rose's tie is tonight."

"Would you believe I can still fit into my tux after eighteen years?"

"How much more for pinstripes?"

'I ran into a whittler.'

'I imagine you're interested in one of the more highly visible occupations?'