Farmhouse Comedy Gifts

"You call this pigswill food?"

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"No, I like the plan. Just saying, have you ever done any actual tunnelling?"

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

'Some dogs are meant to be working dogs and some aren't.'

"Here we go again. Look at me everybody....I'm a cloud."

'Pass the salt, will ya, buddy?'

Alas poor Daisy, I knew her well!

'Mother, there's something you're not telling me about that alien invasion, I can feel it!'

"Static cling."

"Don't be so dramatic. You tell me you're pregnant every day?"

"You're living in a fantasy world, Nelly. Farmer Dave doesn't know you're alive. Plus, he's a human being, he's married, he's the church pastor and he's secretly gay."

"That was definitely mine."

Emergency room doctor about half cow: 'Farming accident. Be sensitive - she's beside herself.'

'Ok, this sty is great and all, but can we get some huge explosions? Wilbur, could you say 'it's about to get real'?'

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

'Hey Sally, do these new capris make me look pretentious?'

'MEN! We've got a fire at the cattle shed! Do we want rare, medium or well done?'

Shocking cows and chickens with the ingredients of the cake.

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

"I call it 'Moona Lisa'."

'With proper flossing there's no reason for hens to not have teeth.'

'Nonsense! They can't All have headaches.'

'I promise, you're not crossing to the Dark Side.'

The Mongolian Steps Slinky Cows.

"Ok, let's try it one last time. It's 'Ahhhhhh'..."

'I overheard the farmer say I have a future at McDonalds.'

'Well, no, I wouldn't say I'm a mad cow, although Farmer Brown does get on my nerves once in a while!'

'She says her stomachs ache.'

Cow asks the horse for the carrot.

'Mr. President, you have a phone call. It's the First Hen.'

'So...you claim Farmer Jones kept you locked up naked in a dirty sty, fed nothing but garbage and repetitively called you a filthy swine!'

Grassy breath?

A centi-stampede.