Fantasy Warrior Gifts

'How do you like my fantasy weekend so far?'

The Ferocious Viking Wiener Dog

Polar Bear ice fishing through igloo.

Super-Papi moves swiftly to defeat the evil Electronico!

Revenge of the Jelly Mother.

I love you. You're my everything. Mixed Message Arts.

The Mouse King appears in the Nutcracker

Nerd tryouts.

"It isn't much of a dragon, but then, she wasn't much of a maiden."

"Hugh fans!"

His family thought he'd been wasting his life, but Steve Wiebe was about to prove everyone wrong.

Time Machine Collision

Second lifeReal life.

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

The Tiger Tank that came to Safari Tea.

"I witnessed something I can never unsee." "What happened, little buddy?" "Some guy walking out of the 'Wolverine' premiere shouted spoilers to the crowd that was waiting to see the second show." "A bunch of the fans who were dressed in costumes got so angry they attacked him." "I don't think I can ever unsee five Pyros and a Colossus beating a Happy Hogan with plastic flamethrowers." "Happy Hogan had it coming."

"Our Rupert has swopped his gaming console for bagpipes...it gets us out of the house more often."

Playground Pipe Dreams

"This is not what I meant when I said you needed to practice your play fighting..."

Valentine Vaccines

Sleeping Beauty.

'Before I undertake my journey, I require you to make me a warrior's headband.'

"You're living in a fantasy world, Nelly. Farmer Dave doesn't know you're alive. Plus, he's a human being, he's married, he's the church pastor and he's secretly gay."

'Walter, stop fantasizing and get back to your desk.'

'Hand over the last one now kid or you're getting my fist for Christmas!'

Witch dice.

"Why do I hate religion? Imagine if half the money ever donated to religion had instead been used for scientific research. That's the world religion stole from me! Instead of worrying about the coronavirus, I could be slaying orcs on a starship's holodeck!"

Armstrong, the new Ybox game console comes out next week. I've got to get in line at Computer Villa. Nope. You are callous and inhumane. Fortunately, I have a backup plan. Computer Villa sale! If anyone cuts, chew their nose off.

Alcoholics Anonymous - 'Nowadays every bottle seems to say 'drink me'.'

"If you're my gramma you wouldn't have a problem consenting to a retina scan!"

If you think that's good, you should see the Pork Sabre!

Dropping Bombs and Hearts

"If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid."

"Relax, Marge! I'm sure the folks at 'Ultimate Pirate Adventures'. . ."

'You know how you've always wanted to go on a balloon safari..?'