Fan Of The Bizarre Gifts

"What a way to go."

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

"He was a sea rescue."

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

'Amount of white out used while writing, Moby Dick, an issue of The National Enquirer, and 101 Uses for a Dead Cat.'

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

"Now you can send it."

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

It was a pretty vicious attack. He's lost a lot of candy.

"It's a narrative I didn't intend."

Operation.

UFO and snowman

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

Baseball.

'Did anyone hand in a mature stilton last week?'

"'Let's introduce him to a mirror' he said. 'It'll be fun he said'. You call the coroner!"

'Bad as this may look, it's actually the perfect accompaniment with your entree.'

Nun fight at the OK Corral.

Salome on Settle (also called Maitresse d'Orchestre) - intended for book but suppressed

Franz Kafka does stand-up...

'Ok, now if everyone could just hold still.'

A patient, a doctor and a deep sea diver

"Is really wet, here!"

The Hypnotato,

Trapeze artists commuting

"Yes, but can your philosophical speculations on existence also be relative to why I crossed the road?"

'Cannibalism has always repulsed me - until i tasted Aunty Judy's knees'

The Bonvoy Age...

Magnet at scrapyard

"Oh no, it's the Grim Streaker."

"My all-time favorite rock group? That would be The Grateful Dead."

''Tough crowd in tonight!''