Family Structure Gifts

'They like to call it 'parenting,' but it's just an outmoded seniority system.'

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"Have you been on the moon again, young man?"

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

Cry babies.

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"There was no other choice, Mom. It was a double dog dare."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

Licensed Therapist

The Baby Walker

'Ahhh...'

"Look Mommy, hat!"

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

A baby duck in a tiny car seat on the mother duck's back.

Weekday Morning Hell Bingo

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.