Family Member With A Dog Gifts

"I've trained him to hunt down the remote."

Fetching the Ball

"That's impressive, but I asked you to roll over."

"Very Funny."

"I miss you too, now stop licking the screen."

'...I'd prefer it if you didn't fetch my iPad.'

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

'Super Dog'

"There's something about ripping the stuffing out of a toy that turns me into a wild dog. I'm afraid I actually like that feeling."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

'Don't be embarrassed by your anti-barking collar, implanted tracking chip, and GPS device. Just think of them as fashion accessories.'

'They're dog roses!'

"Don't even think about it."

"Your love gives me strength."

'My owner is feeding me way too much organic food.'

"...and yet it doesn't quite capture his thoughtful, contemplative side."

Chasebook

"All you're doing is emboldening cats."

"Odd, since neither of us overfeeds her by even the smallest amount."

Unbeknownst to most, dogs are actually greedy bastards searching for gold,

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

But it's the other leg that hurts.

'It says here: while most dogs are family dogs, some dogs like one family member more. Do you think Fritzi is like that?'

"Thank goodness for pet doors because the alarm on my piddle clock was about to ring on the rug."

"Me, I think Master and Mistress are incompetent: why else would they need a butler, 3 maids, 2 cooks, 5 gardeners, a pool boy and 2 personal assistants?"

'He's never going to graduate. How about giving him an honorary degree instead?'

Should I bark? Flow chart for dogs

When Dogs Rule

"I just don't get it, they don't do it themselves, so why do they insist on us sitting before crossing the road?"

Dog Sees Only Food

Dog History

"Honestly, I prefer stick."

"If you don't make up your mind who's taking me out, I'll do it right here."

"Have you consider the possibility that I don't want the paper?"