Family Gossip Enthusiast Pillows

'No, this isn't my son the doctor. This is my other son, the one who didn't make much of himself.'

"...then click 'save settings', scroll down to 'done' and voila! You're on Facebook stalking Miriam's daughter's new husband."

Oldest sibling is last to know about Dad's new girlfriend.

"Tio Henry has been going out with Juanita for some time, huh?"

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

'Sure, a drawing on Facebook has coverage, but nothing wows the family like a spread on the fridge.'

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

"Listen. Nobody's cuter than anyone else! You're all equally cute!"

I love my family!

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

Mother's Love

It's a Boy

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

'I think babies grow in a mommy's tummy and adopted babies grow in a mommy's heart.'

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

"We've intended to ask you about it for some time, Doctor, but never got around to it."

"We're going to pay for your obedience school but after that you're on your own."

Hollywood Breakup

'They're a very successful family.'

"I'm back. My family didn't want to spend more time with me."

Mummy?!

'He didn't learn that from me!'

"It's important to women that a man has a good relationship with his mother."

'His dad was!'

"Remind me - if I'm no longer a footballer, and you're no longer a celebrity. . . why are we here?"

"Yes, "breeding like rabbits" is often used in a pejorative sense. The truth is, we don't care as we love having kids..."

Morgue - "Welcome to 'Celebrity Autopsy'"

"Mom, when the baby's born, can I have the bubble wrap it's shipped in?"

"I can't mow the lawn today. A bug just flew up my nose."

"Put it on my tab."

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

"Junior's moved back home! It took him less than a week to work out that the grass is not always greener on the other side..."

How Moms explain.