Family Secrets Aficionado Pillows

"Goodbye Sweetheart. No matter where you go in this life, or what you do, always remember that you signed an N.D.A. with us."

'There's something I never told you about your father, Billy. He was a lawyer.'

'I never saw a tracer bullet that I didn't admire for color, clarity and swiftness.'

"One day you can participate in Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day as a parent."

"...then click 'save settings', scroll down to 'done' and voila! You're on Facebook stalking Miriam's daughter's new husband."

'It's time you knew, Son -- you were abandoned here as a child by aliens.'

"One day son, all this will probably belong to some little floozy you'll marry."

"Mom, Dad – I’d like you to meet Edna."

'Sparky's amazing ability to speak to humans betrays him...'

"Baldo, let everyone know that Tia Carmen is in the hospital!"

"That's your uncle Colin. He's the black sheep of the family."

Nerve-racking Chanukah moments

'The first one didn't work. I need another goodnight kiss.'

"And that's how great grandma braided her fish."

"If you have a boyfriend, I have some advice, young lady! Wisdom that's been handed down from generation to generation!"

"...brisket ...recipe. Hide it."

'Now you're older, we think it's time you knew that both your father and I and you are adopted.'

"This is the house I'm growing up in."

Faith is good, health is okay, great family and friends, we live in America!

Boys watching a christening

"But, Paw, I don't eat eggs or bacon anymore."

"My kids understand me. I've offered them the same disadvantages I grew up with."

In the old room

"And this was the man I thought was your father until E-Z Pass records proved that he was in New Jersey when you were conceived."

"Yes, Henry, you were adopted."

"Here's our mission statement. Read it, commit it to memory and then eat it."

"It was their idea to make you breakfast in bed."

"Your great Abuelita Zoraida is coming for a visit! Do you know what that means?"

Ear For Books

"Tio Henry has been going out with Juanita for some time, huh?"

"Grandma, can we skip the traditional Boo Boo Kissing this time? I sat on a tack."

'Mom, dad, it's time for me to know the truth. . . was I adapted?'