Family Duty Dodger Pillows

"I cloned myself to take care of my Thanksgiving duties while I watch football in peace."

"If you're so interested in watching reality, how about watching your baby brother?"

"I can't get used to being a grownup."

"Which end does the diaper go on 'cause there's stuff comin' out of both of 'em!"

'Daniel! How many times have I told you not to bury that in the back yard! I'm going to be late for work!'

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

'Why is it always me that has to put the cat out?'

'sugar and spice my eye.'

'Whatever you do, don't tell them you think you're ready to take on more responsibility!'

'It's been a pretty slow day -- What say we knock off a couple hours early?'

"What kind of 'best friend' expects you to pick up their sh*t?"

"With great power comes zero responsibility."

"Isn't this so much better without our devices?"

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

"Got outta jury duty!"

'Young lady, you're not going anywhere until you clean your lint trap!'

'Making a To-Do List is on my Bucket List.'

Never Ask A Man To Change The Baby.

'Forget 'forsaking all others', you can have the week off' (housewife to husband).

"Oh look! Another crappy grant which requires my goddamned work interact with the f**king community!"

"Let's go back to the scenario in which none of this is my fault."

"I've decided to give up my day to day responsibilities."

'Oh, Fred does exercise. He takes frequent walks to the refrigerator.'

'Mr. big shot scientist who works 18 hours a day at a prestigious lab developing high strength corrosion inhibitors, but can I get him to spend 2 minutes getting rust stains out of our own tub? No.'

'You thought having 'flu would get you out of doing the dishes.'

"Well, I don't like doing paperwork at the business. I'd rather be watching a ball game. But we all have to do things that we don't want to do! That's part of life."

Not my fault! Not my department! Not my problem! Not my job!

'I am willing to fail... as long as it's not my fault.'

'Dinner.'

It can be bloody hard work to avoid the relatives at Christmas.

"You recused yourself from this case. I recuse myself from jury duty."

New parents refusing to change their baby's nappy

Why you must get up.

'Great news! Your father's got a job.'

"Bad news...you don't have a deadly disease. You've got to go back to work."