Pet Duty Dodger Pillows

'Why is it always me that has to put the cat out?'

"Yeah, I don't like this part either."

"Which end does the diaper go on 'cause there's stuff comin' out of both of 'em!"

"Thank goodness for pet doors because the alarm on my piddle clock was about to ring on the rug."

"What kind of 'best friend' expects you to pick up their sh*t?"

"I cloned myself to take care of my Thanksgiving duties while I watch football in peace."

"I'll walk, you shovel."

Gentlemen, I'm off to join the circus

'Making a To-Do List is on my Bucket List.'

"Sorry Mrs. Tate. There's no cure for Not-Taking-Out-The-Garbage-Itis."

'Forget 'forsaking all others', you can have the week off' (housewife to husband).

"I've decided to give up my day to day responsibilities."

'Mr. big shot scientist who works 18 hours a day at a prestigious lab developing high strength corrosion inhibitors, but can I get him to spend 2 minutes getting rust stains out of our own tub? No.'

'You thought having 'flu would get you out of doing the dishes.'

Veterinary Surgeon's waiting room, dog walking in through pet door.

"You recused yourself from this case. I recuse myself from jury duty."

"Dora's anxiety has always manifested itself in the 'flight response.'"

"I don't really need to go out, but as his best friend and life coach, he needs the exercise."

Businesspeople gather in bedroom setting 'They can't regulate us in here.'

"Severe lactose intolerance - he can't even look at a cow."

"Man, why do they call it 'doggie-doo' when what they really mean is "doggie-don't"?

'Now you're out of order!!'

'Wait...Sir...It's customary to pay for services when rendered!'

"I see Rover has introduced himself to you?"

"If you're so interested in watching reality, how about watching your baby brother?"

"This is defifitely not going on my facebook likes."

"No excuses Roger. It's time to walk fifi."

'At least this will get me out of jury duty.'

'Notice how the brown of the pants nicely picks up the brown of the dogshit on your shoes.'

'I think I know how the robbers got in. Someone forgot to lock the doggy door.'

Extremely Lactose Intolerant