Dish Duty Dodger Pillows

'You thought having 'flu would get you out of doing the dishes.'

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

'I'm worried about him, he eats his vegetables, but not his dessert!'

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"Which end does the diaper go on 'cause there's stuff comin' out of both of 'em!"

'Why is it always me that has to put the cat out?'

"What kind of 'best friend' expects you to pick up their sh*t?"

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

A genie helps a man fold laundry.

"I cloned myself to take care of my Thanksgiving duties while I watch football in peace."

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

'How can he remember 37 passwords but always forget to pick his clothes up off the floor?'

'Making a To-Do List is on my Bucket List.'

"Sorry Mrs. Tate. There's no cure for Not-Taking-Out-The-Garbage-Itis."

'Forget 'forsaking all others', you can have the week off' (housewife to husband).

"I'm helping Mom wash the dishes."

"I've decided to give up my day to day responsibilities."

'You're going to have to find a way of avoiding those fast serves!'

'Mr. big shot scientist who works 18 hours a day at a prestigious lab developing high strength corrosion inhibitors, but can I get him to spend 2 minutes getting rust stains out of our own tub? No.'

Motivation

'Dinner.'

Man Gagging In A Restaurant.

"You recused yourself from this case. I recuse myself from jury duty."

"How we doing for tips today?"

'You can uncover your eyes now, dear. The dessert cart is out of sight.'

'Bless this spinach, albeit the work of the devil.'

"If you're so interested in watching reality, how about watching your baby brother?"

"Could you take your finger off the pulse for one moment and let me know what you'd like for dinner?"

Pot washer.

Patches never suspected his best friend had betrayed him.

"This is defifitely not going on my facebook likes."

'At least this will get me out of jury duty.'

'My dishwasher broke down - he's in hospital with fatigue'.

'There's nothing wrong with my arm - I wear it to get out of washing the dishes!'