Dinner Duty Dodger Pillows

'Dinner.'

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

'I'm worried about him, he eats his vegetables, but not his dessert!'

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

'Ooo! The dog food sounds good! ... mind you, I always have that at home.'

"I hope we can sell everything before it's time for mom to make dinner."

"Which end does the diaper go on 'cause there's stuff comin' out of both of 'em!"

"What kind of 'best friend' expects you to pick up their sh*t?"

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

"I cloned myself to take care of my Thanksgiving duties while I watch football in peace."

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

"Got outta jury duty!"

'Making a To-Do List is on my Bucket List.'

"My doctor thinks I should lose weight but everyone at the doughnut shop said she's crazy."

"Self-distancing from that cake was too much for him!"

'Forget 'forsaking all others', you can have the week off' (housewife to husband).

'I'm taking the leftovers home, so suggest something my dog will enjoy.'

"You could try watching your diet or getting more exercise – but you'll just be delaying the inevitable."

Washing Instructions: Have Your Mom Do It.

'You thought having 'flu would get you out of doing the dishes.'

"I've decided to give up my day to day responsibilities."

'You're going to have to find a way of avoiding those fast serves!'

'Mr. big shot scientist who works 18 hours a day at a prestigious lab developing high strength corrosion inhibitors, but can I get him to spend 2 minutes getting rust stains out of our own tub? No.'

'Whew! Looks like the Tuna Surprise isn't much of a hit!'

Motivation

"I had to bite him once, but now I always get a great table."

Man Gagging In A Restaurant.

"You recused yourself from this case. I recuse myself from jury duty."

"Must you people always call at dinnertime?"

New parents refusing to change their baby's nappy

'Bless this spinach, albeit the work of the devil.'

'You can uncover your eyes now, dear. The dessert cart is out of sight.'

"Oh look... You don't know how to wash dishes. I guess you don't ever have to wash them again."

"Could you take your finger off the pulse for one moment and let me know what you'd like for dinner?"

"If you're so interested in watching reality, how about watching your baby brother?"