Civil Duty Dodger Pillows

'Now you're out of order!!'

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

'Why is it always me that has to put the cat out?'

"What kind of 'best friend' expects you to pick up their sh*t?"

"I cloned myself to take care of my Thanksgiving duties while I watch football in peace."

'So why are so worried? I'm leaving my fate in the hands of 12 people not smart enough to get out of jury duty.'

'Making a To-Do List is on my Bucket List.'

"Got outta jury duty!"

'Forget 'forsaking all others', you can have the week off' (housewife to husband).

"Sorry Mrs. Tate. There's no cure for Not-Taking-Out-The-Garbage-Itis."

"Oh look! Another crappy grant which requires my goddamned work interact with the f**king community!"

'You'll be bound over for trial by a jury of whomever we can get for $5 a day.'

'Tell me why I should excuse you from serving on jury duty. Be careful what you say. I have been trained to read between the lies.'

"I've decided to give up my day to day responsibilities."

'You thought having 'flu would get you out of doing the dishes.'

'Mr. big shot scientist who works 18 hours a day at a prestigious lab developing high strength corrosion inhibitors, but can I get him to spend 2 minutes getting rust stains out of our own tub? No.'

'We have special circumstances here Your Honor...Mr. Juttle committed the crime so he could get out of jury duty.'

Winter depression.

"You recused yourself from this case. I recuse myself from jury duty."

"If this meeting becomes too heated, we'll create a distraction...like running out the door."

'Great news! Your father's got a job.'

"Bad news...you don't have a deadly disease. You've got to go back to work."

L-L-L-L-Lobster Face!

"I've been called for jury duty. How can I get out of it?"

'Wait...Sir...It's customary to pay for services when rendered!'

"If you're so interested in watching reality, how about watching your baby brother?"

"This is defifitely not going on my facebook likes."

"He forgot to record the game, so he had to watch it live. The 1,284 commercials was too much for him to handle."

Congress Hits 'Not Quite a Wimp'.

'At least this will get me out of jury duty.'

"I programmed your fitness watch to tell the truth."

"If my wife calls, I'm at the protest."

"If it's the reedy, gurgling 'cut-cut-turrrrr' of the long-billed marsh wren, I'm not here."