Family Dinner Advisor Gifts

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

"I'm afraid the challah got a little burnt this week."

"Oh, mournful and terrible engine of horror and crime—of agony and of death, not asparagus again!"

"Be sure and eat your frozen vegetables."

Mother feeds messy child with extra long spoon.

'4 Jello desserts - and, for the love of God, please make them all the same color.' (at restaurant with three kids)

Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

"It's so nice to gather and enjoy a simple home-cooked meal together."

"You've all been like a company to me."

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

The First 3-D Thanksgiving

'We thank you for this food and ask you to protect us from pesticides, additives and preservatives.'

"You heard your mother. There's no need to bless the superfoods."

"If you liked tonight's meal, you might enjoy 'Making The Meal,' a documentary with outtakes and commentary when the cook ran out of eggs because someone put an empty carton back in the refrigerator..."

Ways to Misuse Ventriloquism

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

"Michael, do your dinner."

'I lost the grocery list you gave me. So I brought home a few weeks supply of pizza.'

Adult Table - Kids Table - Kids' Friends Table

'When I'm rich, I'm going to hire a food taster to check for vegetables.'

A family gets ready for their microwave meal on the patio.

"More aphorisms, please!"

"Honey, will you let the dog in? When your 3-Bean Salad kicks in, I'll need someone to blame."

"And he's a nutritional-support animal, too."

"What's a good time for dinner, let's sync up our calendars..."

Husband dismayed to get cold mutton for dinner again. Wife comments that someone must be economical on the housekeeping money she is given.

"Other than being sent to the principal's office, my detention, and three day suspension, school was good."

"Pardon me, but I couldn’t help noticing how well-behaved your children are. May I ask which medications they’re on?"

"Did I set the table right? Fork, knife, tooth brush?"

"Coco, stop eating your food properly and play with it like your brothers!"

"Stop playing with your food and eat your dinner!"