Family Dinner Critic Gifts

"Darling, you're going to have to text our son to ask if he wants some potatoes."

'Why don't you stop moaning, and be grateful that mother was kind enough to invite us around for a special halloween supper!'

"No, we don't have an UNLIKE button yet for when you don't like what I made for dinner."

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

"Oh, mournful and terrible engine of horror and crime—of agony and of death, not asparagus again!"

Mother feeds messy child with extra long spoon.

Newton had actually discovered gravity at a family dinner in his early childhood.

Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!

'Aw, mom! How come I always have to eat at the kiddie carcass?'

'I'm thankful you didn't make turnips.'

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

"You've all been like a company to me."

"It's so nice to gather and enjoy a simple home-cooked meal together."

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

The First 3-D Thanksgiving

'We thank you for this food and ask you to protect us from pesticides, additives and preservatives.'

"Thanks, I knew I could count on you to turn my problem into something way worse that happened to you."

"Mom, Eugene picked all the peanuts off the pizza!"

"You heard your mother. There's no need to bless the superfoods."

"Michael, do your dinner."

Ways to Misuse Ventriloquism

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

'I lost the grocery list you gave me. So I brought home a few weeks supply of pizza.'

'You followed the recipie but it's missing the secret ingredient: Mom.'

Adult Table - Kids Table - Kids' Friends Table

'When I'm rich, I'm going to hire a food taster to check for vegetables.'

"I remember a simpler time when the Sunday dinner tables were divided up for the adults and kids."

"More aphorisms, please!"

A family gets ready for their microwave meal on the patio.

"What's a good time for dinner, let's sync up our calendars..."

"Honey, will you let the dog in? When your 3-Bean Salad kicks in, I'll need someone to blame."

"And he's a nutritional-support animal, too."

"Other than being sent to the principal's office, my detention, and three day suspension, school was good."