Family Dining Lover Gifts

My corn is undercooked. It hasn't even popped!

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

"Everything tastes better when it's cooked on the grill."

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

Mother feeds messy child with extra long spoon.

Newton had actually discovered gravity at a family dinner in his early childhood.

'4 Jello desserts - and, for the love of God, please make them all the same color.' (at restaurant with three kids)

Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!

'Aw, mom! How come I always have to eat at the kiddie carcass?'

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."

'I'm thankful you didn't make turnips.'

"Would the gentleman care for a razor and comb to start?"

"It's so nice to gather and enjoy a simple home-cooked meal together."

"You've all been like a company to me."

"Can you recommend a wine that goes well with red meat, Zanex, and Lipitor?"

"Ok, Griffin — let him see Mom’s roast!"

'Can I get a box for this?'

"I'll have the Mediterranean truffle sea bass, pan seared, and thrown into my mouth from across the room."

The First 3-D Thanksgiving

"We're out of flowers."

'How do you guys want your trans fatty acids prepared?'

'How do you prepare your chicken?' 'We just tell 'em they're gonna die.'

"Linguini for two?"

Non-wall St merger: Mom's Home Cooking...Pop's Cafe!

-A burgandy from when the dow hit a record high.

Ways to Misuse Ventriloquism

Three Pigs.

'I thought it was your figure you were supposed to be watching !'

"You heard your mother. There's no need to bless the superfoods."

'Maybe that'll teach you not to argue with the waiter over the bill!'