Family Consultation Experts Gifts

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

Vehicles are having their own election. These are the candidates. The ambulance appeals to voters who think health care is most important. Voters focusing on education issues favor the school bus. And those wanting family-friendly policies are backing the minivan. The tractor is an expert on agricultural issues, and the import is a free trade advocate. Those voters concerned about environmental issues like the electric hybrid, and those wanting a strong military support the Jeep. What's t

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

Common Core Family Therapy

"How many times have I told you kids to hang your coats in the closet?"

'Mind how you cross the ocean.'

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

"What do I think is an appropriate punishment? I think an appropriate punishment would be to make me live with my guilt."

'If we respect each other, contraception makes sense!'

"Keep my fingers crossed! Is that it?"

Sometimes nature not only calls; she makes an emergency breakthrough.

Preventive medicine.

"Grandmom told me "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach." I told her that has medical malpractice written all over it!"

Penguin kid to parents: 'Big deal! You're grounding me!'

"You know you have to wait an hour after eating before getting out of the water, young man!"

"...some of these tadpoles may not be yours."

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

'I'm pregnant, the dog and cat arepregnant,even the gold fish is pregnant - it beats me how you ever became a family planning counsellor...'

Warring parents

"Sir, the platoon suffered heavy casualties from a roadside IUD."

"Don't try to blame this mess on your father!"

Mommy and daddy Are Always Right!

Interpreters.

"Jeffrey, this is Marcus, your new Stunt Double. He'll be riding your tricycle for you from now on."

'In my day you had to reach puberty before you could act surly.'

'Did Dr. Spock ever write anything about how to handle PARENTS?'

Kid reader to librarian about 'Parenting' book: 'This didn't tell me anything about how to deal with parents.'

'How do you expect them to treat you in a mature way with that thing in your mouth?'

'Sorry dear, I have to go straight to work tomorrow.'

'Parenting skills don't come naturally. You learn from the experience of screwing up your kids just like your parents did.'

"You've been avoiding me." "Have not, Uncle Mort." "For weeks, you've been dashing out of rooms as soon as I entered." "Coincidence." "What about when I knocked on your door yesterday and you jumped out the back window?" "Look, Uncle Mort, I just didn't want to go through what I went through in 1994." "I was just going to say one thing about the 30th anniversary of the OJ Simpson 'trial of the century!'" "You would think the 'trial of the century' would've been the Nuremberg trials!"

"So was the old lady who lived in a shoe taken to court for whipping her kids."

"This may surprise you, Worthington, but I'm a man who believes that nothing in life is as important as family."

For the Children