Family Advisor Gifts

"Oh, honey, I'm so sorry – I didn't know your mom and dad were doing a project together. Is it in the kitchen? Do you want to talk about it?

'How do you expect them to treat you in a mature way with that thing in your mouth?'

Kid reader to librarian about 'Parenting' book: 'This didn't tell me anything about how to deal with parents.'

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

'Never underestimate the value of pipe-dreams, my son.'

A father films his family while imagining himself as a director

"What do I think is an appropriate punishment? I think an appropriate punishment would be to make me live with my guilt."

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

"Grandmom told me "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach." I told her that has medical malpractice written all over it!"

"You know, son, you're not going to get anywhere just gliding around all the time!"

'We need to start dividing the housework for more peaceful marriages?' - What they'd say if they really wanted the women's vote.

"...some of these tadpoles may not be yours."

Warring parents

'Here's how it works, Freddie. Men never do figure out what women want, so eventually we all sign up for woodworking.'

'It's best not to talk behind other people's back's, son. But if you must, the place to do it is in the media.'

Interpreters.

Mom's The Boss

"Stop telling me how well you did on the written."

'I may not be able to smack you, but it won't stop the 'Bogie Man' coming to get you if you are naughty !'

"Oh, don't jump. But at least learn to code."

"The news lady says this bad guy was charged with assault...but he didn't have rifle. How's that possible?!"

'Parenting skills don't come naturally. You learn from the experience of screwing up your kids just like your parents did.'

"So was the old lady who lived in a shoe taken to court for whipping her kids."

"This may surprise you, Worthington, but I'm a man who believes that nothing in life is as important as family."

'Access to the kids? No. I want access to the computer equipment.'

"They grow so fast. In my day, you didn't become morbidly obese until adulthood."

"Yes, but that does not constitute 'irreconcilable differences'."

"Soup should be seen and not heard!"

"You told him he should start his own business."

'It's making me happy.'

'What d'you mean I've won custody of the children - what children?'