Family Advisors Gifts

"We just want you kids to have all the opportunities your father and I never had because we smoked way too much pot."

Street Bubbes

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

Vehicles are having their own election. These are the candidates. The ambulance appeals to voters who think health care is most important. Voters focusing on education issues favor the school bus. And those wanting family-friendly policies are backing the minivan. The tractor is an expert on agricultural issues, and the import is a free trade advocate. Those voters concerned about environmental issues like the electric hybrid, and those wanting a strong military support the Jeep. What's t

"How many times have I told you kids to hang your coats in the closet?"

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

'Never underestimate the value of pipe-dreams, my son.'

"What do I think is an appropriate punishment? I think an appropriate punishment would be to make me live with my guilt."

Icarus, you are not flying anywhere until you put on some sunscreen.

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

"Grandmom told me "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach." I told her that has medical malpractice written all over it!"

"You know, son, you're not going to get anywhere just gliding around all the time!"

'We need to start dividing the housework for more peaceful marriages?' - What they'd say if they really wanted the women's vote.

"...some of these tadpoles may not be yours."

Warring parents

'Here's how it works, Freddie. Men never do figure out what women want, so eventually we all sign up for woodworking.'

'It's best not to talk behind other people's back's, son. But if you must, the place to do it is in the media.'

Mom's The Boss

Interpreters.

'That was supposed to be your stock without equals, and it looks like you were right--no equals, just lots of superiors.'

"Stop telling me how well you did on the written."

'How do you expect them to treat you in a mature way with that thing in your mouth?'

"Oh, don't jump. But at least learn to code."

'I may not be able to smack you, but it won't stop the 'Bogie Man' coming to get you if you are naughty !'

"The news lady says this bad guy was charged with assault...but he didn't have rifle. How's that possible?!"

Kid reader to librarian about 'Parenting' book: 'This didn't tell me anything about how to deal with parents.'

Wow, you're right! Your mom's regurgitated worms are way better than my mom's!

'Parenting skills don't come naturally. You learn from the experience of screwing up your kids just like your parents did.'

"They grow so fast. In my day, you didn't become morbidly obese until adulthood."

"This may surprise you, Worthington, but I'm a man who believes that nothing in life is as important as family."

"So was the old lady who lived in a shoe taken to court for whipping her kids."

"Yes, but that does not constitute 'irreconcilable differences'."

"I say buy up Sony and Honda, and so forth. I mean, tit for tat."

"Soup should be seen and not heard!"

'Access to the kids? No. I want access to the computer equipment.'