Family Consultation Experts T-Shirts

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

'Mind how you cross the ocean.'

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

"What do I think is an appropriate punishment? I think an appropriate punishment would be to make me live with my guilt."

'If we respect each other, contraception makes sense!'

"Keep my fingers crossed! Is that it?"

Sometimes nature not only calls; she makes an emergency breakthrough.

Preventive medicine.

"Grandmom told me "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach." I told her that has medical malpractice written all over it!"

Penguin kid to parents: 'Big deal! You're grounding me!'

'I'm pregnant, the dog and cat arepregnant,even the gold fish is pregnant - it beats me how you ever became a family planning counsellor...'

Warring parents

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

"...some of these tadpoles may not be yours."

"You know you have to wait an hour after eating before getting out of the water, young man!"

"Sir, the platoon suffered heavy casualties from a roadside IUD."

"Don't try to blame this mess on your father!"

Mommy and daddy Are Always Right!

Interpreters.

'In my day you had to reach puberty before you could act surly.'

'Sorry dear, I have to go straight to work tomorrow.'

'How do you expect them to treat you in a mature way with that thing in your mouth?'

"Jeffrey, this is Marcus, your new Stunt Double. He'll be riding your tricycle for you from now on."

'Did Dr. Spock ever write anything about how to handle PARENTS?'

Kid reader to librarian about 'Parenting' book: 'This didn't tell me anything about how to deal with parents.'

'Parenting skills don't come naturally. You learn from the experience of screwing up your kids just like your parents did.'

"So was the old lady who lived in a shoe taken to court for whipping her kids."

"Yes, but that does not constitute 'irreconcilable differences'."

'Access to the kids? No. I want access to the computer equipment.'

"This may surprise you, Worthington, but I'm a man who believes that nothing in life is as important as family."