Family Chaos Humorist Gifts

Excess Baggage: In the old days folks called 2 weeks with 4 kids in a non-air conditioned car a vacation.

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"I don't know, kids. I've been a stay-at-home dad for so long it just sort of... happened."

The Family Joules: Part 16

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"Look what I found. Can we keep him?" "Wow! A real pirate!!" "Go ask your mother."

"I haven't started playing the violin. I hide my vegetables in here!"

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

"I need to know who started it."

Family with pets.

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

"How many times have I told you kids to hang your coats in the closet?"

"I couldn't possibly lick another baby right now."

"Okay, you scared the babysitter...now get back in there and rinse off that toothpaste, and go to bed!"

'I have a limited vocabulary because I'm a child, what's your excuse?'

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

"You want to be a comedian? You can't be serious!"

"The mad king ruled by chaos and corruption. He pitted everyone against each other, and they all lived divisively ever after. The end."

'Another balloon animal? And who do you think ends up taking care of these?'

'Dad won't buy me a puppy, so I'm teaching him to bark!'

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

'George! This way quick!'

"No thanks, mom. I don't think I'll have any broccoli short cake."

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

"I fell in the mud again. Maybe I need a stunt double."

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

"I can skip my bath. On the way home I jumped in all the puddles."