Family Dynamics Humorist Gifts

'I hunt, she gathers, and my no-good brother-in-law scavenges.'

'Not only does your mother turn up uninvited, but she nicks our broom!'

'He only stays for the sake of the children-they don't want him living with them either.'

The First In-Law of Thermodynamics.

'Let's get one for your mother.'

'Planet Earth is doomed!'

Curse of the Mummy-in-law

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

"I don't know, kids. I've been a stay-at-home dad for so long it just sort of... happened."

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"Look what I found. Can we keep him?" "Wow! A real pirate!!" "Go ask your mother."

"I haven't started playing the violin. I hide my vegetables in here!"

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

Excess Baggage: In the old days folks called 2 weeks with 4 kids in a non-air conditioned car a vacation.

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

"The couch hates me Jane!"

"Okay, you scared the babysitter...now get back in there and rinse off that toothpaste, and go to bed!"

'I have a limited vocabulary because I'm a child, what's your excuse?'

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

"No thanks, mom. I don't think I'll have any broccoli short cake."

"You want to be a comedian? You can't be serious!"

'Another balloon animal? And who do you think ends up taking care of these?'

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

"I can skip my bath. On the way home I jumped in all the puddles."

'Mummy, why did you teach me to walk?'

"You're good mum. But, Billy's mum is a better cook than you. She only knows how to make chocolate cake."

Judge, jury and executioner.

"Every time I tie my shoes, the laces come undone...I think it's a conspiracy!"

God bless our home equity line of credit.

"Geese fly in a V, son--attorneys fly in a wedge."