Humorist In Family Dynamics Gifts

"Just wait 'til you have clones of your own."

"The couch hates me Jane!"

Baby, baby maker

God bless our home equity line of credit.

"You're good mum. But, Billy's mum is a better cook than you. She only knows how to make chocolate cake."

"They're clean Mum, I washed them yesterday."

"No, dear, the baby didn't take a selfie. It's an ultrasound."

"Mom said I can't watch TV until you finish my homework."

2050 A. D: Cloning is quite common place.

'Do you know who this is, Little Spike?'

'I think this mother might prefer a different planter.'

"You missed breakfast and lunch and haven't left your bed so it's not worth you getting up now. Good night!"

'It seems like only yesterday, you were just a slimy little maggot.'

"I'm disabling autocorrect, because it reminds me too much of my mother-in-law."

Eat your vegetables

"I ate something that strongly disagreed with me!"

Scooting Death

Even before we began to order in, my dad was always keen to skip the dishes!

'If you're such a great dad, how come I never see you on TELEVISION?'

"We have big news!"

I'm Proud of my Gay Son!....I'm Proud of my Cross-Dressing Dad.

"I agree, it's a real worry. We may have to consider limiting her screen time."

"We're still working out joint custody."

"I told you a pet is a lot of responsibility. Now, take your balloon dog out for some air."

The First In-Law of Thermodynamics.

"Turn off the TV and go to bed - I'm your mother, and I approved this message."

The Swat Team of 15-L

'Can I have a glass of water?'

"Please stop using the phrase, 'I wasn't born yesterday'."

Motherhood in its simplest form.

'Planet Earth is doomed!'

'He only stays for the sake of the children-they don't want him living with them either.'

"Oh come on Dad, you know I'm not VAT registered. Just give me my pocket money!"

'I'm gonna die.'

'As the CEO of a large corporation, I don't suppose you'd consider taking out the garbage?'