Humorist In Family Dynamics Pillows

"Just wait 'til you have clones of your own."

"The couch hates me Jane!"

Baby, baby maker

"They're clean Mum, I washed them yesterday."

"You're good mum. But, Billy's mum is a better cook than you. She only knows how to make chocolate cake."

God bless our home equity line of credit.

"No, dear, the baby didn't take a selfie. It's an ultrasound."

"Mom said I can't watch TV until you finish my homework."

2050 A. D: Cloning is quite common place.

'Do you know who this is, Little Spike?'

"I'm disabling autocorrect, because it reminds me too much of my mother-in-law."

"You missed breakfast and lunch and haven't left your bed so it's not worth you getting up now. Good night!"

'It seems like only yesterday, you were just a slimy little maggot.'

'I think this mother might prefer a different planter.'

Scooting Death

"I ate something that strongly disagreed with me!"

Eat your vegetables

Even before we began to order in, my dad was always keen to skip the dishes!

"We have big news!"

'If you're such a great dad, how come I never see you on TELEVISION?'

I'm Proud of my Gay Son!....I'm Proud of my Cross-Dressing Dad.

"I agree, it's a real worry. We may have to consider limiting her screen time."

"We're still working out joint custody."

"I told you a pet is a lot of responsibility. Now, take your balloon dog out for some air."

'Planet Earth is doomed!'

The Swat Team of 15-L

"Please stop using the phrase, 'I wasn't born yesterday'."

'Can I have a glass of water?'

Motherhood in its simplest form.

"Turn off the TV and go to bed - I'm your mother, and I approved this message."

The First In-Law of Thermodynamics.

'He only stays for the sake of the children-they don't want him living with them either.'

"Oh come on Dad, you know I'm not VAT registered. Just give me my pocket money!"

'As the CEO of a large corporation, I don't suppose you'd consider taking out the garbage?'

'I'm gonna die.'