Family Chaos Humorist Pillows

Excess Baggage: In the old days folks called 2 weeks with 4 kids in a non-air conditioned car a vacation.

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"I don't know, kids. I've been a stay-at-home dad for so long it just sort of... happened."

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"Look what I found. Can we keep him?" "Wow! A real pirate!!" "Go ask your mother."

"I haven't started playing the violin. I hide my vegetables in here!"

"I need to know who started it."

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

Family with pets.

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

"I couldn't possibly lick another baby right now."

"Okay, you scared the babysitter...now get back in there and rinse off that toothpaste, and go to bed!"

'I have a limited vocabulary because I'm a child, what's your excuse?'

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

'Dad won't buy me a puppy, so I'm teaching him to bark!'

"You want to be a comedian? You can't be serious!"

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

"No thanks, mom. I don't think I'll have any broccoli short cake."

'George! This way quick!'

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

'Another balloon animal? And who do you think ends up taking care of these?'

"I fell in the mud again. Maybe I need a stunt double."

'Actually, they're pretty nice, once they settle down.'

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

"I can skip my bath. On the way home I jumped in all the puddles."