Family Humorist Pillows

'I'll compromise. I'll admit I'm wrong if you admit I'm right.'

'Clean up your room and stop telling your brother he's an app you downloaded to do the job.'

'I have a limited vocabulary because I'm a child, what's your excuse?'

"Sure, you have a father. It's just that when you were born, I decided to stay at home and he decided to stay at work."

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

"Sure I know right from wrong. Right is what Mom tell's us to do."

Grandma Dean looked at Bobby. Bobby looked at Grandma Dean. Someone wet the bed, but a confession was not in the cards.

Kid to elderly lady: 'Grandma, you rock.'

'Am I glad to get that straightened out. Now, I can go home and explain it to my dad.'

Grandmother's house has sign 'Kids spoiled while U wait.'

"Let me touch them for you, son."

"Ok kids, it's Father's Day, so when Dad comes in, act as though you know who he is!"

Mother's Day: 'I need a three letter word that means 'Totally Awesome Person'?'

'Dear Mom and Dad, I'm running away from home to join the circuits.'

'Mom, is the baby my sequel or a spin-off?'

Why there are moms

"Maybe we should get the second-aid kit."

'Attack!'

'It's not who you know or what you know that helps you succeed. It's what you know about who you know, that you can hold over their head, that will help you succeed.'

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

'At first I wanted a brother, but I've changed my mind... I want a puppy now.'

"Since technically I got my genes from you, the F minuses are yours!"

'Be honest, Mum. I'm adopted, aren't I?'

"It's alright Mum, he uses that word all the time at the football matches."

'Our dishwasher is so old we have to kick it to get it started, but the kids like Gramma so I guess we'll keep her a while longer.'

"Go bother your mother. She's only reading chick lit."

"No, I don't think you're growing a gill."

"I guess we're kind of the Marsalis Family in reverse

Auntie Bodies

Lemming moms.

'All right. I'll get forty winks, but not one wink more.'

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

"Your father's upset because I've been autocorrecting him."

"Um, you bought gifts for all our relatives?"

"Whenever mom and dad go out without us, they suffer from whatever the opposite of separation anxiety is."