Faithful Faker Gifts

'I pretended to be religious to get a place at this convent.'

They hated me.

'She thinks I'm out every night training for the London Marathon.'

How James and John became known as "Sons of Thunder".

"I don't feel like going to school. Isn't that a flu-like symptom?"

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

"The amendments are coming next week!"

Men's Prayer Group.

"...And for anyone who forgot to bring something for the collection..."

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'

'I really do feel empowered. I should've joined a gang years ago.'

'Remember you are dust bunny and to dust bunny you shall return.'

"It's the appendix to the Ten Commandments: The Ten Ultimatums."

"Rest assured we invest your money as if it were our own. Can I borrow 50 bucks?"

"And the best feature of this shoe is you'll look Athletic even if you're not."

'Hey, what's with all this 'God forbid' stuff?'

Dang, another calling. This time, Avon.

'Amen will do ... You don't need to do the wave.'

"I know it's a really big church, but Goliath was the bad one."

'Sorry - I've got strong views on Sunday Trading!'

God's lil' fix-it shop.

'I didn't know I'd need a PIN number!'

"Hmmm...says here that you were in charge of your church's Puppet Ministry."

Power and the Glory tools

'Your prayer is important to us. Please stay on your knees for the next available God.'

'They're praying the school doesn't find out that they've been pretending to be religious.'

'...And the meek shall receive a huge bailout!'

They're short of staff!

Church: Built by Guilt.

'Talking about Jesus is NOT name-dropping!'

Arnold had not been much of a saint in his life and now he paid the price.

"It's my life line in case the rapture happens, so I'm not left behind."

"Your prayers may be recorded for quality and training purposes and will be answered by the next available deity."

"The Convent of the Immaculate Heart Brewery"

'Do you realize that you have several passages of scripture right on the tip of your tongue?'