Faithful Funsters Gifts

'No! No! I said carve a SACRED cow!'

"As it says in Matthew 26-40, 'So, you had not the strength to stay awake with me ONE hour?'"

"Money is the root of all evil!. . . Parishioners wishing to purge themselves of that evil, may do so during our collection."

"We thank you, Lord, for bestowing your blessings upon us. But, hey - who made that virus?"

'That Popemobile hologram is a godsend for you, eh, Holy Father? Another pint?

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"Study her closely...the laughing eyes, the dimpled smile...she's got 'em right where she wants 'em."

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

"I can't imagine why we didn't think of this before."

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

How's my sermon. . .

"If anyone wants me, Ms. Clark, I'll be down in the youth department."

Vicar wearing sunglasses.

'Even More Disciples'

''No other gods before me'? Oh - You're one of THOSE types.'

Climbing with the baby

"I don't get it! They're both diurnal, so why on earth would they bring back from the hospital a baby that's awake all night?"

"Your sins are forgiven, but not your co-pay."

Jesus breaks the bread.

'What do you call money that slides off the collection plate?'

"The amendments are coming next week!"

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'

"...And for anyone who forgot to bring something for the collection..."

'If Aunt Arctica is on the bottom of the world, does that mean Uncle Artica is on top of the world?'

'A funny thing happened to me on the way to the church tonight..'

Chruch member about preacher: 'Pastor Woodsley has old fashioned power point.'

"I'm the mommy and he's the daddy and Teddy is the #@&&!# kid who keeps us from having time to do anything!"

'One really nice thing up here is that it's always very easy to get an audience with a Pope.'

Holy phone

'Fathers Day.'

Cross Umbrella

'Hey, what's with all this 'God forbid' stuff?'

'I pretended to be religious to get a place at this convent.'

"It's the appendix to the Ten Commandments: The Ten Ultimatums."

'Is this seat saved?' Fundamentalism Gone Awry.