Faithful Funster Gifts

'I'm afraid neither of my parents are at home... Are they Dad? '

'Your prayer is important to us. Please stay on your knees for the next available God.'

"The amendments are coming next week!"

Dang, another calling. This time, Avon.

God's Message Pad

"Wait a second. If they didn't have video games back then, how did Jesus die for our sims?"

"...And for anyone who forgot to bring something for the collection..."

God Never Changes

"The Lord moves in mysterious ways."

"Look at me. Still writing B.C. on my checks."

"Your prayers may be recorded for quality and training purposes and will be answered by the next available deity."

"It's the appendix to the Ten Commandments: The Ten Ultimatums."

"So Jesus, do you prefer Methodist or Lutheran?"

'Talking about Jesus is NOT name-dropping!'

'You've been stealing again, haven't you?'

Church: Built by Guilt.

"I didn't say I was DIVINE. I said, 'I am da vine, and you are da branches.'

'I do wish you would stop asking for change back when they pass the plate.'

'Amen will do ... You don't need to do the wave.'

'No offence padre, but I'd be out of business with that sort of advice.'

'...And the meek shall receive a huge bailout!'

'Actually, I thought your board outside said Happy CLAPPING!'

'Sorry - I've got strong views on Sunday Trading!'

'At that moment, He is in conference. At the beep, you will have sixty seconds to say your prayers...this is a recording...'

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'

'I didn't know I'd need a PIN number!'

'I didn't know I'd need a PIN number!'

"John, how are you gonna Baptize me when you throw like a girl?"

"Hang on Gary, I think our Tracy's having an Epiphany!"

"For Lent, I'm giving up the REST of my religion."

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

Cheeze Wiz.

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

How's my sermon. . .