Faithful Faker Pillows

'I pretended to be religious to get a place at this convent.'

They hated me.

'She thinks I'm out every night training for the London Marathon.'

"I don't feel like going to school. Isn't that a flu-like symptom?"

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

"The amendments are coming next week!"

Men's Prayer Group.

"...And for anyone who forgot to bring something for the collection..."

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'

'I really do feel empowered. I should've joined a gang years ago.'

"It's the appendix to the Ten Commandments: The Ten Ultimatums."

'Hey, what's with all this 'God forbid' stuff?'

"And the best feature of this shoe is you'll look Athletic even if you're not."

"Rest assured we invest your money as if it were our own. Can I borrow 50 bucks?"

Dang, another calling. This time, Avon.

'Sorry - I've got strong views on Sunday Trading!'

"I know it's a really big church, but Goliath was the bad one."

"Hmmm...says here that you were in charge of your church's Puppet Ministry."

'Amen will do ... You don't need to do the wave.'

'I didn't know I'd need a PIN number!'

God's lil' fix-it shop.

Power and the Glory tools

'Your prayer is important to us. Please stay on your knees for the next available God.'

'They're praying the school doesn't find out that they've been pretending to be religious.'

Arnold had not been much of a saint in his life and now he paid the price.

'...And the meek shall receive a huge bailout!'

"It's my life line in case the rapture happens, so I'm not left behind."

They're short of staff!

Church: Built by Guilt.

'Talking about Jesus is NOT name-dropping!'

"The Convent of the Immaculate Heart Brewery"

"Your prayers may be recorded for quality and training purposes and will be answered by the next available deity."

'Do you realize that you have several passages of scripture right on the tip of your tongue?'

'Your prayers may be monitored for quality assurance.'